Fear of Writing

Don't be afraid Don't be afraid

This entry would be simple. I just wanted to share with you about my dilemma. I have a tremendous love in what I am doing as a hobby, which is writing. But, I also have great fear if I might hurt anybody in the process – or create any unnecessary relationship issues with my friends and acquaintances.

Cat is thinking
Cat is thinking

The reason behind is for an example, if I write about my experience and include some of them in the storyline, they might like it or they might not. If I were to ask each individual for permission, then it would make it difficult for my ideas to grow instantly. I am still thinking maybe I should still ask, but after the process. Or write a note at the bottom in case if they have any objection, please inform me so that I may delete their name or delete the whole post. Just thinking out loud.

So, I choose to write something about me instead. But, then the dilemma grows stronger. The audience might think that I am a self-centered because what I write is all about myself. I may have a thousand of ideas to write about myself, but who cares! That is what I think. This is not good.

Then come another question about using pictures. I like including photos that are captured by myself. They are genuinely my property and I have exclusive rights to post it publicly. But, what about pictures that include others inside? So, my rule is to use the pictures that had already been shared to the public by the original owner of the photos. As such, I would be free from the accusation of stealing others property or asking the permission of all the individuals inside the photos (can I post their faces on my blog?). That is why, so far I only either take my own photos, post the photos that have already been posted on FB or on my wall, or just edit the photos that are already available online (such as flags, food, and animals).

Cat typing
I wish I could be “writing” as happier as this

Writing without photos would be much easier for me, but it won’t be fun to read. The readers will get bored easily. I too would get bored easily if I write without the pictures. So I am thinking, how about drawing or painting? I may not have the skills in arts like painting, sketching and drawing – but I can learn. This way, I can write without fear of making unnecessary sins against other people. They might just keep quiet but, who knows what is in their hearts right? That is what I fear the most!

Another fear is about the content. I do not want to write something that might incur the wrath of God. This makes me more afraid of writing though I can just simply write whatever I like, because this is my blog. This is my sphere and I can do whatever I wish. But, no! It is not as simple as that. Allah is watching all over us every second without stop, as He never sleeps! How can I ignore what is right or wrong with regards to the etiquette of writing, especially according to the Islamic principles and values?

Writing is the most difficult thing to do, more than talking. Talking (read speech), is still dangerous as it may hurt someone’s feeling too – but it cannot be recycled or shared. The moment you share (someone elses talking), it will become a “mengumpat” or backbite. But in writing, the moment it is published – it is recorded and people might share it to others. It can bring huge mileage for me in term of hasanah (good reward), or it can also bring me the opposite which is saiyyiah (sinful act), may Allah protect me from those sins or any kind of sinful acts.

Now, the most difficult part is also prioritizing my writing topics. I want to make it fun to read, but it can give readers the benefit as well. Otherwise, my action (which is writing) will just turn out to be a “maksiat” or a waste. That is my greatest fear of all. I do not want to waste my time in doing something that is not benefiting me in this world and what more the afterlife (aakhirah).

Since I have been worrying about all these, I cannot stop thinking whether I should quit writing because it may bring a lot more harm than good. I force myself to write partly because I want to encourage my kids by showing a good example. But I still have this fear.

I am praying to God so He would forgive me all of my sins.

This dilemma continues. I do not have a clear answer as it can be either good or bad (most probably bad). I always try my best to correct my intention before I start writing.

So now, I am seeking your opinion and sincere suggestions.

In this holy month of Ramadhan, I seek help from Allah so that He might show me the best possible way of doing what I love the most. May Allah protect us all from the Hellfire.